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Archive for the ‘Trials’ Category

After 44 nights…


So I won’t bore you with all of the details of our life over the last 4 months, but I will give you a quick overview.

In late January, my husband, Dustin, was diagnosed with cancer.  They initially told him that it was rectal cancer, however, on February 13th they changed the diagnosis to Burkitt’s Lymphoma.  Since February 13th he has spent 44 nights in the hospital over 6 hospital stays.  He has had three cycles of chemo, one surgery, several different scans, and lots of nasty hospital food (well at least brought to his room).  He has had some good days, and a lot of bad days.


He came home from the hospital today.  The doctor is hopeful that he is finished with treatments.  He will have a PET scan in a couple of weeks to make sure that there are no cancers cells left.  I am extremely grateful to have him home, but I am still nervous, and pray that the next two weeks go by quickly.  I want the results of the PET scan so that we have a definite answer.

This experience has not been one that anyone would ever ask for, but God has used it to teach us many things.

We have learned to fully rely on Him.  He is our source of strength and comfort. “O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.” Psalm 30:2

He has taught us how to better serve those in need in the future.  We have been so blessed by the people that have watched our kids, brought us food, helped us financially, sent cards and letters, and come to visit.  Thank you all.

He has also taught us to cherish each other as a couple, and as a family even more.  You never realize how much need each other until something like this happens.  My eyes have been opened to the reality of how much I depend on my husband, and this experience has made me even more thankful for him than I already was.  Our family has become even closer through all of this.  My kids could not wait for their Daddy to come home and were so excited when we went to pick him up.  After we got home this evening the youngest (2 1/2 months) was crying in the swing, the middle bits (16 and 17 months) were whining because they were ready for dinner, and the big girls (5 and 6) were chattering away as usual.  Dustin was resting on the couch.  I was trying to keep everyone quiet, but not having much success.  But after all the kids were in bed, Dustin pulls me over to him and says that was the best sound he has heard in the last 4 months.  It was the sound of family at home.

We know that the war is not quite over, but we are getting closer.  We continue to be reminded that God is good.  We are now in a period of wait and see (until the scan), and regaining strength.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  We are blessed.

God’s Hand in Everything


I get migraines.  We’re not talking about headaches that last for half a day, or even a whole day.  I get migraines that last for weeks.  Over the years I have learned ways to cope with my migraines better, and there are often times that people do not even realize that I have one.  But I get really bad migraines, and I get them all the time.

Having migraines gets in the way of having the life that I would like to have.  There are a lot of things that I don’t get to do that I wish I could because of my migraines.  I often end up in bed early when I would rather be spending the time with my husband.  There are lots of times that housework has to be left undone (and ultimately left for my husband) because I just can’t do it during the day.  There are days where my kids get jipped because I need to rest.

Over the years, I have struggled with being angry with God about this.  I have often questioned why me, or why anybody for that matter.  I have felt sorry for myself, my husband, and my family.  I have had overwhelming guilt brought on because of my headaches.

BUT….what is all of that saying about the God who created me?  I am fearfully and wonderfully made!!! (Psalm 139:14)  If I believe this, and I do, then why do I question so much?  Why do I get angry with God?  Shouldn’t I be finding the good in the situation.

We have all heard, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  But there is so much more to it than that.  When life’s circumstances are hard, use them to grow in your relationship with your creator.  Instead of asking, “Why is this happening?” I should be asking, “How can I use this? What can I learn from this? and What can I teach others because of this?”

I like the way J.C. Ryle talks about this…..

“If God has given His Son to die for us, let us beware of doubting His kindness and love in any painful providence of our daily life. Let us never suppose that He can give us anything that is not really for our good. Let us remember the words of Paul, ‘He who spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all—how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things.’ (Rom. 8:32.) Let us see in every sorrow and trouble of our earthly pilgrimage, the hand of Him who gave Christ to die for our sins. That hand can never smite us except in love. He who gave us His only begotten Son, will never withhold anything from us that is really for our good. Let us lean back on this thought and be content. Let us say to ourselves in the darkest hour of trial, ‘This also is ordered by Him who gave Christ to die for my sins. It cannot be wrong. It is done in love. It must be well.’”
~ J.C. Ryle

So this is the challenge for myself.  When I am frustrated that my head is hurting for the umpteenth day in a row, I will tell myself, “This also is ordered by Him who gave Christ to die for my sins. It cannot be wrong. It is done in love. It must be well.”  I will look for the positives, have confidence that they are there, and rejoice and be thankful for the opportunity to grow through this trial.

“Therefore, hear me, you men of understanding:
far be it from God that he should do wickedness,
and from the Almighty that he should do wrong.”

Job 34:10

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